


To Stay In Your Arms Forever

by videokids



Category: Berserk
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-02-09 00:49:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12876633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/videokids/pseuds/videokids
Summary: A few months after visiting Elfhelm and getting healed, Guts and Casca spend much needed time together preparing to spend the rest of their lives together. Both working through their issues together, they bring themselves closer together, strengthening their relationship even more.





	1. Chapter 1

She shivered as the cool autumnal night air danced through the trees. In a half lidded movement she instinctively reached behind her body searching for the feeling of the familiar wool fabric that normally enveloped her body while she slept. It was nowhere to be found. Refusing to give up, her hands slid along the dirt and leaves. Without having luck, the woman began to grow panicked and sat up looking around frantically. As her eyes attempted to register the darkness she noticed that the fire was a dying pile of oranges and yellows. Its flames had left this world.

"Aaahhh… uuuuu…." The soft yet panicked noises slipped through her caramel lips. Something was off.

Sitting there, she realized that something else was missing along the wool blanket; the familiar metallic object she laid her head on. Her companion was missing. "G… G… uuuu" The soft noises began to become louder and more frantic.

What was going on? Where was everyone? Growing more and more restless she stood up, ready to search for who she had lost. Taking a step forward, she ran right into something. Too dark to distinguish what it was, she put her hands up in front of her in an attempt to feel out her surroundings in the off chance she had run into a tree. Warmth. Her hands felt warmth. Moving slowly her hands glided up closer to the warmth to what seemed to be the source. It felt like a pleasant breeze, like the ones from familiar summers. Before she could continue, everything went black and faded away.

******

"Casca… Casca wake up." A familiar voice called out to her. "You're trembling. Wake up."

Feeling a slight shake move her body, she sat up in a heavy breath and looked behind her. Her boyfriend, Guts was sitting up with his hand still on her side, a worried look had taken home on his face.

"What happened?" He calmly asked her.

Not being able to say anything at the moment she leaned against him and buried her face in his chest. The tears started to well up in her eyes as she inhaled the familiar leather scent he always seemed to smell like. A hand rested on her head, stroking her hair gently, "Another nightmare? What happened?"

"Gone… y-you were gone. I woke up and you were gone." Casca had finally managed to choke out an answer. Looking up at his worried expression, the tears started to fall. He pulled her closer towards him, holding her tight.

"It was just a dream. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." His voice broke the silence that encroached on their territory. As he held her close, Guts could feel the rise and fall of her shoulders as she cried against him. He continued to stroke her hair whilst planting a kiss on her forehead every so often.

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes until she started to pull away to dry her tears. Before she got the chance to, Guts had already gently placed his hand on her cheek and began to wipe the tears away.

"You didn't have to do that…" She sniffled apologetically.

"But I did. And what are you gonna do about it?" Guts smirked a bit trying to cheer his lover up. She sniffled again and smiled back.

"I don't know." She played coy, leaning against his chest again sniffling again.

"Fair enough." He played along, glad to see Casca was coming back to her usual self. Noticing her looking at him, he looked back at her. "Hmm?"

She blushed and looked away, "It's nothing…"

"Nothing? I think there's something." He continued to look at the woman, admiring her beauty. Moving from Casca's cheek, Guts's hand came to rest on her chin gently in the slow motion to look up at him again. She tried to avert her gaze again, but had no luck. The way the moonlight lit up her beloved's face seemed somewhat enchanting. Entrancing almost.

"Guts…" his name slipped through her lips. Without knowing it, she was nearly in his lap. "I…" She looked away again and softly sighed. She felt silly being so nervous to speak what was on her mind. Sure, she told him before but she always felt as nervous as she did the first time she told him.

"You?" His question snapped her back to the moment. "Cat got your tongue?" He chuckled softly, smiling slightly.

She pouted, puffing out her cheeks. "No… I just…" Blushing again, she looked back at him. "I love you."

His expression softened even more, "I love you too, Casca." Sometime during their brief exchange his hand had moved from under her chin to rest on her shoulder. Watching her lean up towards him, he leaned down in response. Their lips met in a soft and gentle kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Feeling his lips against hers, Casca's world started to melt around her. Nothing mattered to her, she was with the one she loved. Time meant nothing now. The man's hand glided down her side, exploring the curves of his lover's body. Pulling away for a small breath of air, she smiled and leaned in closer.

"Is everything alright?" He asked Casca calmly, trying to gauge how she was feeling.

Resting her hand on his hand, she nodded slightly. She was afraid to speak, knowing it would give away her secret of how much she was longing for his touch. Her heartbeat was erratic, her breathing had started to pick up, and she was subconsciously leaning towards him even more.

"Cas?" He sounded worried. "Sweetheart is ever-" His question was cut off from a sudden kiss followed by a slight squeeze on his hand and then a tug. Relaxing his hand, he allowed Casca to hold it, moving it towards her chest.

Starting to get nervous, a thought in the back of his mind started to surface taunting him that he did something wrong. He hurriedly tried to pull his hand away but was stopped by an opposite force that pulled it closer. Before he knew it, his hand was on her chest. He could feel her warmth, accompanied by her fast heartbeat. Casca was just as nervous as he was.

"I… I'm fine. I promise." She smiled and squeezed his hand again.

"I'm glad." He smiled back and kissed her cheek. "You had me worried. I thought I did something wrong."

"No… no… far from that." She kissed his cheek causing her lover to blush as red as the cape that he once wore when the two of them met.

Catching a brief glimpse of the blush in the moonlight that had been allowed to show through the clouds, she leaned in again and kissed his cheek bone a few times before beginning a small trail leading to the corner of his mouth. As Casca drew closer, Guts's breath hitched in anticipation. He had no idea what she was planning but he liked it. Well, he had a faint idea.

"Cas… wha-" His question was interrupted by her mouth on his.

Gently pushing against him, she wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled herself into his lap. As she moved, he opened his mouth a bit in hopes that his dearest would follow suit. His wish was granted and her mouth opened slightly. Just enough for him to sneak his tongue in. Surprised, Casca pulled away slightly and stared at Guts.

"Heh, sorry… I guess I got a little too ahead of myself." He chuckled softly.

Instead of answering she kissed him again, gently biting and pulling on his bottom lip gingerly sucking on it. Breaking the kiss, she pushed herself against him, their chests touching.

"You're fine, you're perfectly okay." She smiled and kissed him again, opening her mouth just as he did a few moments before. Her tongue slowly traced the outline of his lips, almost as if asking for permission to feel his tongue on hers. Upon feeling the warm yet slight tickle of her tongue, Guts opened his mouth and felt her tongue against his. Responding to her gentle pressure against him, he moved his hand to her back and pulled her closer against him.

Tongues massaging one another, the couple started feel the effects of the kisses take over their bodies.

"Are you okay?" He had pulled back and looked at her with a slight twinge of concern in his eye. "Is this something that you want?"

She leaned against him, laying her head on his chest nodding slightly, "It is… it's something I want a lot. But I'm just…" She paused. "I'm just scared."

He pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes, "I know… I'm sorry. We don't have to do this."

Casca smiled softly and nodded before responding, "Thank you, I don't think right now is the right time." Sighing she leaned against him, "I'm sorry, Guts. I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize for that. Don't ever apologize for that." He said firmly. "I care a lot about you and I want to make sure you're okay. You mean everything to me, you know that?"

"I've always had a slight feeling." She giggled softly and kissed his cheek.

Yawning slightly, Casca felt the blanket of exhaustion envelop her again. Afraid of another nightmare similar to the one that had plagued her earlier, she grabbed Guts's hand wanting to ask him an important question.

"Would… would it be okay if I asked you to hold me while I slept for the rest of the night?" She looked away in an attempt to hide her embarrassed expression. "I just… I don't want to have another nightmare."

Pulling her close, he smiled slightly and kissed her forehead, "I'd hold you even if you weren't having nightmares. I'd do anything to help you sleep better."

"I just feel so much safer when I'm closer to you." She laid down again, curling up close to her lover. "Thank you…"

Guts smiled and laid down next to her, wrapping an arm around Casca pulling her closer. "You have nothing to worry about, I'm right here. Nothing will come to harm you."

Feeling one last kiss on her forehead she smiled and drifted off to sleep, her head filled with the sweetest dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such the late update! I've started a pretty work intensive semester with a class so a lot of my time had gone to that. But it's here now! 
> 
> Cheers!   
> Wednesday

The couple slept soundly through the night, no nightmares plagued them. In fact, no dreams came to either of them at all for the remainder of their slumber. Morning couldn’t come fast enough, it was the day that Casca was to meet the rest of the party that she had traveled with for the previous two years.

Sunlight poured through the window, warming the tanned cheeks of the woman who was still in her lover’s embrace from the night before. She slowly opened her eyes allowing time for them to adjust to the change in light, but still felt the familiar pain of the initial photophobia that had stuck with her since childhood. To stop the pain, she squirmed an arm free from being pressed against Guts’s chest and sleepily rubbed her eyes, the motion gently shaking him awake.

Soft grunts passed through his lips with each gentle shake, “Nnnngh…” The peaceful look on his face started to twist itself into worry and anger. “Hhhhnnnn…”

Hearing him stir next to her, she looked at his melancholy expression and placed a gentle hand on his cheek before leaning in to kiss his forehead. Before she realized what was happening, his hand had clasped hard on her wrist, knuckles turning white. Guts has immediately sat up straight, causing Casca to be thrusted upwards by her wrist. It happened so fast, she didn’t know what to do. All she knew was that something wasn’t right and she was scared.

“Don’t TOUCH ME!” His voice bellowed out and echoed throughout the room. His eyes were still closed, but he faced her general direction.

Not able to withstand the pain much longer, she started to try to writhe away, “Guts, Guts… it’s me… it’s Casca.” Her voice was soft and drowned out by her lover, she wasn’t getting through. Taking a risk, she brought up her other hand and placed it upon his right cheek, leaned in and whispered into his ear, “I’m okay. Nothing is hurting me. It’s just you and I. I love you, I’m okay. Ipromise.” As she finished speaking, Casca laid a soft kiss upon Guts’s forehead hoping to help him realize he’s okay.

Almost immediately his thrashing slowly started to cease as he came to. His eyes slowly opened, fixed on the woman in front of him. “Cas...ca…” Seeing the way he was holding her, a wave of disgust washed over him. He let go of her wrist, a red mark left behind. “I’m sorry…” He sat her aside and got up, he didn’t want her to look at him after what had just happened.

Getting up to leave, he felt a gentle tug on the waist of his pants. Guts turned around to see a worried Casca, her eyes were dewey from the tears that were starting to form. “Please don’t go.” She tugged again, silently asking her lover to come back. She wanted to let him know that he didn’t have anything to feel bad about. “I don’t want you to go.”

He looked over his shoulder and put his hand on her arm, contemplating on what to do. He couldn’t stand to see her saddened expression, “Cas.”

Walking back to the bed, he sat down next to his lover and dried the tears that had started to fall. It had only been a few days since Casca regained her memories and was fully healed. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He held her tight, looking guiltily at her wrist. Before he could say anything else, a slender finger touched his lips while a soft shush followed, “Guts, listen to me, it’s okay. I’m fine. I promise.” Feeling the tears well up again, Casca paused briefly to keep her composure. Removing her finger from his lips, her hand fell to rest on his hand. Smiling softly she looked back at her lover, “You’ve been by my side for the longest time, we’ve been through the worst of it and the best of it. Even when I was broken-” The phrase caused a look of pain to wash over Guts’s face, he hated hearing that word being used to describe his beloved from when she was in her previous state but he remained silent to allow her to continue, “You were there for me and never let go. I can’t possibly imagine what it was like for you, or how you felt not only carrying your demons but mine as well. I can’t fathom your fears that you harbored and still may continue to harbor. I’m not going anywhere, I’m here. I promise. These next few days, even months may be hard- for the both of us- so there’s one thing that I’d like to ask.”

Grabbing his hand and squeezing gently, Casca looked directly into Guts’s eyes and took a deep breath, “Will you allow me to return the favor?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2018! I'm sorry it took me so long to update this. I've been busy with my classes ending and then the holidays came up on me so fast. I thank you guys for you continuing support. 
> 
> Cheers!  
> Wednesday

The man sat there wide eyed, registering the question that Casca had just posed to him. Return the favor? What did she mean by that? Before he could ask, there was a knock at the door causing him to break out of his trance.

"Is everything okay in there? I thought I heard yelling." A female voice lilted through the air with a touch of concern added in. "I just wanted to let you know that everything is ready and we're all waiting for you." It was Farnese reminding Guts about breakfast. Ever since they had started travelling together, the group of eight always ate their meals together no matter what the situation was. It was one of the very few things that they all felt the same on, food should be enjoyed with friends. Of course, it wasn't like that at first since Farnese and Serpico slightly hated Guts's presence from their time with the Holy See. It was difficult to get used to, but over time the group of acquaintances slowly grew together into a bit of mismatched family unit.

"Ah, yeah, everything is fine. Just had another nightmare is all. We'll be out in a few minutes." The man called back while simultaneously grabbing for the rest of his clothing to put on.

Looking back at Casca, he saw she was already pulling on her shabby tan dress that had been patched and mended countless times, "Y'know… I'm sure that once we figure out what we're going to do we can get you some better clothes. That thing must be getting pretty old now."

She looked back at him while pulling her hair out of the back of her smock, "I like it… it's fairly comfortable."

He chuckled softly, it was nice to have his lover back.

"We should probably go, huh? I doubt you'd want to have a cold breakfast." Casca teased Guts as she reached for his hand to guide him to the door. "You've always hated eating cold food when it was meant to be warm."

"You're right, I don't. Are you ready?" He squeezed the woman's hand gently, opening the door to a long hallway. The smell of cooked pig and other spices had filled the corridor.

"Why wouldn't I be? They're not complete strangers to me." Casca stared inquisitively at him.

"Well, yeah I guess you're right. I'm sorry…"

"It's alright. It'll probably take some getting used to. For the both of us, and probably the others too." She smiled softly waiting for Guts to guide her to the dining hall.

\--------------

When they got to the dining hall, everyone was sitting around the table waiting for the last two members of their party to arrive. As they heard the footsteps stop, everyone turned their heads and greeted the couple.

"Good morning! Did you two sleep okay?" Farnese was the first to break the silence. Her soft voice was comforting to Casca's ears.

"Y-yeah, I slept okay." The woman nervously choked out.

For some reason, she was extremely anxious to be around the others. It wasn't like they were strangers, she had traveled along with them for a couple years. They were the ones who looked out for her and took care of her. This group, along with Guts were her protectors.

As soon as she spoke, the whole group save for her partner looked wide eyed in her direction. It was the first time they had ever heard her say something more than just making cooing noises for the past two years. Realising all eyes were on her, Casca felt the blood rush to her face, she wasn't good with sudden attention.

Picking up on the tense feeling in the air, Guts sat at the table inviting Casca to sit next to him, "I'm hungry, are you hungry? C'mon, let's eat. We can go through introductions afterwards before we decided where we'll go next."

She nodded and sat down, watching dishes being passed around from person to person as they served themselves. As the dishes reached Casca one by one she followed suit and piled up the food on her plate, her stomach rumbling more and more with each serving. Meat, eggs, vegetables; they all smelled so good.

"Are you sure you're gonna be able to eat all that?" Isidro joked from her left.

She smiled and nodded in response, remembering that he always was the one who cheered her up with his jokes. Everything felt nice, the atmosphere was almost, if not the the same feeling she had when everyone from the Band was together.

Breakfast passed quickly and before she knew it, everyone was clearing their places and washing their dishes.

"Before we get ready to go, I'm going to talk to the Elf King. She said she had something for me. Well, for the group rather." Guts mentioned before walking out the door.

The woman nodded in response and looked back to the others when he had left the room.

"I… I guess this is where we introduce ourselves?" Casca stammered out. The familiar wave of nervousness washed over her again and the blush bubbled up to her cheeks. "I think I remember your names, but it'd be nice to hear them again." Before continuing her thought, she sat down again with the others. "But first… let me try to guess your names? I remember a lot from our time together. Let's see…" She pointed out to Puck first. "You're Puck."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait in update. My school schedule has changed since I'm in my last half of studies! So I can only update every five weeks. I really appreciate your support and continued feedback!
> 
> Cheers!   
> Wednesday

“That’s right!” The small elf smiled and replied excitedly. “Puck! That's me!” He flitted around happily, getting closer to Casca. 

The woman smiled and reached a hand out to touch him before speaking again, “I feel like I've known you for a long time.”

“Mm! Yeah, I've been with you and Guts since the beginning. Well, I've kinda been around him longer than you, but you get what I mean, right?”

Casca nodded slowly and smiled, “And I thank you for that, Puck. You really helped Guts out. Even if he was probably stubborn and difficult to work with because he always decided that he was better off working alone.” 

Sitting at the table and looking at the rest of the party, she was hit with a flood of memories that spanned the past two years. Her eyes started to feel wet and an all too familiar lump made its home in her throat. Now wasn't the time to cry and as hard as she tried to keep it at bay, the tears made their way past her waterline and fell one by one onto the table. 

“I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wanted this to go a little bit more… happier.” Her soft voice rose and fell in between inhales and exhales with each tear that fell. She remained in her seat and stared at the table. 

 

Feeling a nudge to her arm, Farnese looked up to see her brother motioning towards Casca’s direction hinting that maybe she might be able to do something for the crying woman that she had grown fond of over the past few years they had spent together after leaving the Holy See to accompany Guts on his quest to help heal his lover and eventually get revenge on Griffith for what he did. The younger woman got up and walked over to her crying companion, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Cassie… it's alright. It's a lot to take in at once. No one's expecting you to hold back all your feelings. It's a really emotional time right now. We're all here for you.” 

Her soft voice seemed to work almost instantly in calming Casca down. There was something comforting hearing herself being called Cassie. She looked up to see Farnese standing next to her and placed a hand on the one in her shoulder, there was something familiar about the taller, blonde woman but she couldn't put a finger on it. Everything felt so familiar; the voice, the touch, her face. 

“Do you remember me?”

“Vaguely. There are things that are familiar… I know you were kind of like my caretaker and protector when Guts wasn't around. But past that? Things are still…” A sharp pain shot through her head causing Casca to wince in pain. “Hhhnnnnggg…” 

 

“Things are still what?” Isidro chimed in impatiently waiting for her to finish her sentence. 

Farnese shot him a look of pure and utter displeasure immediately causing him to shut up. 

 

“It hurts… it really hurts.” Casca grabbed her head and winced again. “Why does it hurt?” 

Worried, Farnese took the other woman in her arms and pet her hair, “I'm sorry… we probably pushed you too far. It's going to take a while for things to fall where they should.” 

“How… how long is 'a while’? I don't want to be like this forever…” Casca started to cry again. 

“I wish I had that answer but I-” Her thought was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Guts was back. 

 

He stood in the doorway witnessing a scene that he wasn't expecting at all; everyone was still around the table save for Farnese who was comforting a sobbing Casca. 

“What happened when I was gone?” His question had a slight tone of anger. 

Trying to diffuse the possible misunderstanding, Schierke looked over in Guts’s direction trying to figure out how to go about explaining the situation. His expression was to look a mix of worry and anger, she had to think fast. 

“Guts… can you hear me?” She decided to try to reach out to him telepathically. “I don't know if the Elf King told you, but I have an idea of what may be happening.” 

The man looked in the little witch’s direction acknowledging her attempt at getting his attention. “What is it?” The annoyed tone carried over into his mind. Immediately feeling guilty he sighed and followed up with a quick apology, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so angry.” 

Schierke shook her head, “It's okay. Maybe we should take this somewhere else?” 

 

The other members in the room were picking up on a sneaking suspicion that they was something going on between the girl and Guts and decided that it was something that should be kept private. One by one everyone left until it was just Farnese, Casca, Schierke, and Guts left. 

“You should… stay.” Guts mumbled. “This is about Casca. And… I think that you should hear about it too.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm sorry for such a long hiatus! I made it through college okay and I graduate next month. Hopefully with that all said and done, I can break this hiatus curse. It's been far too long and I feel like I've neglected something wonderful.

The atmosphere in the room suddenly grew heavy as everyone sat back down at the table to talk about the issue at hand. Guts looked worried, unsure of how the women in the room were going to take the news. Especially Casca, her reaction was what weighed on his mind the most. It could honestly go one of two ways… she could take it well or it would turn into a messy ordeal. 

 

“Don’t worry about me, I’m sure I’ll be okay.” The woman’s sweet voice called Guts out of his haze causing him to look towards to her. The soft smile that had found a home on her lips caused his heart to ache. 

 

“It’s about you and all that has happened.” Guts broke the silence, pausing for a few moments before carrying on with his thought. “It’s been a couple years, but do you know what has happened so far? Tell me, what’s the earliest thing that you remember.” 

 

Casca’s eyebrows furrowed in thought, she tried her hardest to account for what time had supposedly passed her by, “The… the last thing I remember is the day we got Griffith back from the castle dungeon. Wait, no. I remember being in a world of horrors, nightmarish almost. It felt like it was a dream. Everyone was there. I remember a lot of screaming…” Her voice started to trail off before she got the chance to describe her memories even further. 

What exactly happened?  Why couldn’t she remember it?

 

“We don’t have to do this.” The tall man gently reassured her. 

 

“No. I think we should. But-” 

 

“We need to take this as slow as possible. Go little by little.” The younger witch’s voice cut Casca off.

“How do you feel? Right now, at this very moment.” 

 

Casca looked at the group before answering, addressing Schierke and Farnese first, “When I look at you, I feel calm and at ease.” 

 

Turning to Guts, her expression changed immediately. She was somber, “When I look at you, I feel confused. I feel safe but also panicked. Like there’s something that happened but I really don’t know what. I feel guilt, but I don’t know why. It makes me upset.”

He winced. To hear that she felt guilty drove a knife through his heart, Guts knew exactly what she was talking about, but he wasn’t sure if he had the right to tell her what had happened. 

“I… yeah.” It was all he could manage to stammer out. 

 

“What happened?” 

 

“Casca, I don’t think…” 

 

“You don’t think what?” A twang of annoyance coated the woman’s response.

 

He sighed, “Maybe it’s for the best that you and I talk about this alone.” 

Glancing at the door, he hoped that Schierke and Farnese would take the hint that this particular part of the conversation should only be between them. Taking the hint the two stood up to quietly excuse themselves from the room.

 

Waiting a few moments before continuing on, Guts moved closer to Casca, “What I’m about to tell you… it’s… it’s fucked up. There really isn’t any other way to put it. It’s about Griffith.”

 

“What, did he die or something?” 

 

God, how he wished the man had died. He wished that’s what the whole conversation was about. To have everything explained by that one small phrase seemed like it would make everything better. 

 

“No. He didn’t die.”

 

Unsure of how to take the situation Casca just stared blankly at the man. 

 

“He betrayed us.” 

 

“Us? As in you and I?”

 

“No. Us as in The Band.” 

 

“O-oh. What happened? Where is everyone anyways?”

 

“Dead.”

 

The word hung heavily in the air before either party could formulate a response. 

 

“ _ He  _ killed them.”

 

“Killed them? Killed The Band of The Hawk? The mercenary group he himself created? And for what?”

 

“A dream.”  


End file.
